I swear not…

This is something I did not think I would have to deal with yet. Remember Elsa is 7 and Anna is 4. It is not something I thought I would have to deal with from Anna first either as she is the youngest.

The issue is swearing. Seriously, at these ages, it is unbelievable. Last week Elsa came running upstairs saying “Mom, Anna is swearing, Anna is swearing. She is in the conservatory repeating “effing” hell!” Anna came upstairs and carried on swearing with a big smile on her face.

(NB they were pronouncing the “F” word as if it rhymed with rocking).

I explained to her that such language was unacceptable and it was adult language so until she became an adult, she was not allowed to use it. I asked her where she had heard it and she said from her dad. Conveniently he was away on a trip at the time but I had great pleasure messaging him to let him know what bad habits our kids were picking up from him.

When he got home and confronted Anna, she denied everything of course and I haven’t heard about her using any more bad language but I dread to thing what she’s saying in the playground!

When the kids were babies, we agreed on a word to use instead of swearing so that they didn’t pick up any bad language. This worked really well for years. When we needed to express ourselves, we used the word “moo”. As in “what the moo” and “for moos sake” and my own favourite, “oh my moo!” Overtime the “moo” talk has fallen by the wayside and the real swear words do slip out occasionally. I think now is the time to re-introduce “moo” back into the family vocabulary and encourage Anna to use the phrase “mooing hell” when she needs to blow off some steam! Hopefully she will take this on board and save me some embarrassment at the next parents’ evening!





Zebra Hair

Unfortunately I am of the age when the darks of my hair are turning lighter.  I do not believe in the age old myth that pulling white hairs out means more will come in their place. I believe if you pull them out, they will be gone!

Well this morning Elsa was lying in my bed next to me and suddenly cried out, “Mom, you’ve got a zebra hair!” I winced and asked her to pull it out but she claimed she had made a mistake and it had gone.

Now I am afraid the back of my head looks like a zebra crossing. Thank goodness for the cold weather – perfect excuse to wear my hat morning, noon and night.

Caring about my sister

Last night Elsa was downstairs messing around when she should have been getting into bed. When she finally got upstairs, I asked her what she had been doing. She replied that she had been reading a letter from school about an online reading club. I told her that that letter was not intended for her but was addressed to parents and carers so she had no place reading it. She answered that she cared about Anna so she was entitled to read it. Fair point – I couldn’t argue with that one.

“There is no better friend than a sister.”

New chocolate hiding place needed

I can’t believe it. Elsa has discovered we hide sweets and chocolates in the oven. I am not happy that she was going in the oven but as she pointed out we have not used the electric oven in over 2 years when we had the family round for Christmas. (We use the gas oven in case you were wondering).

That girl has some sort of choc-dar. I left some chocolate bars in the telephone table in the hallway one night as the girls were going to bed. The next morning when I looked there was only 1 left as the greedy guts had eaten 3 bars the night before!

Someone suggested we stopped bringing chocolate into the house but that is not practical. I have a sweet tooth you see.  We are just going to have to think of somewhere a little bit more inventive…

“All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head.”

Birds and Bees

I was walking home from school with Anna and Elsa last week and it seems that nearly every one of their school mates have a pregnant mom right now. I was making small talk with them about this when the dreaded question came up: “How do babies get into their moms’ bellies?”

Now I was asked a couple of months ago by both girls, separately, how do babies get out of their moms’ bellies? I replied honestly of course. “They just do – it’s magic”.

Now on this occasion, my first answer of “I don’t know” didn’t really wash with Elsa. She is 7 going on 17 so she knew that obviously wasn’t true. I then went on to explain that when mommies and daddies get married, then babies come. But she wasn’t satisfied with this either. I said I closed my eyes and prayed really hard for a baby and then one came into my tummy!

She still looked a bit confused, so I said that she would find out when she was nearly an adult as it was adult stuff and then I changed the subject really quickly and hoped she would just wait patiently until she becomes an adult before asking any more questions on this subject…

“A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.”

Big ears

OMG. My little Elsa is sooo nosy. She listens in to every conversation I have (in person and over the phone). Even if I go in another room, she’s always listening.

I was so excited when she learnt to read and she has a real passion for books. I feel less excited when she looks over my shoulder and reads my texts.

I’ve always had passwords on my phone, number PINS that are quick and easy to unlock. Until I realised they were quicker and easy for her to learn and use!

I was so grateful that my new phone had fingerprint recognition. She was NOT expecting that!

Anyway, you know the way you sometimes use codes when talking about people (i.e. slagging them off) and you don’t want the kids to understand. I think it’s time to take it to the next level and just develop a whole new language that kids can’t interpret.

That will be my next project and I will take it to Alan Sugar or the Dragons for some investment and publicity. That is, if Miss Big Ears doesn’t find out and tell the whole world about it first…

Chocolate hiding place

I am so proud of myself. I’ve managed to find a place to hide chocolates that the kids haven’t discovered yet.

My 2 girls are like sniffer dogs when there is a hint of sweets, chocolate, biscuits, basically anything sweet anywhere in the house. They have discovered every single hiding place I have ever had. Until now.

We recently came across some little chocolates that they liked (individually wrapped in foil) and we bought a couple of packets. When we got home, I thought it would be nice for once if they lasted for more than a day.

I was about to pull a mug out of the cupboard to make myself a cup of tea when I had the brilliant idea to hide them in the mug. They don’t ever touch the mugs – they have their own kids ones to drink out of.

It’s now been 2 weeks and they are still there. I do give them one each occasionally but the best part is they know they are hidden and they have no idea where.

I do have another spot I sometimes use that they don’t know about – the oven – it’s good for larger treats.

So, in the battle of kids versus chocolate, on this occasion it’s Mom 1.Kids 0.